Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
