You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
