There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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