walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
