ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
