I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
