Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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