I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont even know how to be here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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