I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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