It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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