Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
only you would photoshop your dick
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
