so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
