He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she looked like the before picture.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
