I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
