I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
