bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
