I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
