yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
