Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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