She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
