You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bring me that man meat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
