Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
