so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
