Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
