I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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