sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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