So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
