Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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