So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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