You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
