I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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