At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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