Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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