it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
