He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
