.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
