Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
