I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
