3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
