Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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