Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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