I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
