Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
