Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
