At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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