Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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