you will always have a special place in my vag
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
