I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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