Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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