btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
