Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
