hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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